Where I Started Over Once Before

A photo of a photo of me and my Mum, Carol, on a hike together on the Sunshine Coast in 1990

I miss the Magic Cow Bridge-House. The beautiful sturdy farmhouse with all its quirks, the vast forest wherein beaver, deer and coyotes live and roam. I miss the closer-in ‘less wild’ spaces where the chickens and pigs lived in the structures the Magic Cows built for them. I miss the Beings who built these structures and the structures, visible and invisible, of the Magic Cow Bridge-House.

Building the chicken coop with Daway and Meredith at the Magic Cow Bridge-House

I could go on and on, mixing sadness and joy in nostalgia about this extraordinary past project.

I could also mix fear and joy turning my attention to the Bridge-House I want to exist next to live in. I probably do.

The contrast between a past full of memories and a future full of unknowns is remarkable. I have yet to discover such simple things as: what will this next Bridge-House be named? Gaian Seeds Bridge-House, maybe? Or The ARC? — Archiarchy Research Center? Seeds of Archiarchy? Is that too much like Sons of Anarchy?

More questions abound:

Will it really begin on April 1, as I have declared? Who will come? What gifts and challenges will they bring with them? What walls-of-my-Box will I hit? What new ways will my Gremlin resort to to block my transformation? How will we go as a team? What will messes we make, and how will we find our ways through, together? How will we celebrate our newly-grows skills? Will there be partings with pain about our incompetences?

What house…(which houses?)…will we occupy? How will it…(they?)… be found?

I am starting over as a Bridge-HouseBuilder. I feel joy to be starting with more clarity than ever before about things to watch for, and the biggest one is: “leaving the small here and now.” This is a new job I have given my Gremlin, Shark: to catch himself when I have let him successfully draw my attention away from the small here and now.

As memories can be food for nostalgia, questions about the future can be doorways out of the here and now, into Low Drama. Yet there are ways that putting my attention in the past and into the future can empower the creation of possibilities. My nostalgia, unmixed, about the Magic Cow Bridge-House can lead to reaching out to a Magic Cow to celebrate, create something or check in. I can use questions about the future, and the fears and other feelings that come with them to discover information to create steps toward building the Bridge-House I want.

I feel joy about the Fear Club for Women that started this week because of the more consistent reminders to practice and build my conscious fear-feeling skills, feeling my fear ever more to empower creation and collaboration; including my fear that I will let my Gremlin pull me out of the here and now, into Fantasy Worlds, Swamps, Low Drama about the past or future.

To feel my fear that a Bridge-House may never exist here, or that it will take a long time for me to build one. Am I making myself interesting to ECCO — the Earth’s Coincidence Control Office?

Reality, here, now, no stories…is where I have power to create.

Since landing here on the Sunshine Coast of BC, (yes, Shark, this is about the past), there have been an abundance of opportunities to weave with local Edgeworkers. Village Weaving is a big part of this Bridge-House-building experiment. I have become part of the team evolving the local Farmer’s Market gameworld, part of a choir, part of a climate action group, part of a Women’s group doing handcrafting with feeling; these collaborations grew out of past connections, revived; I lived on the Sunshine Coast for 10 years, between 1991 and 2001.

During that time, long ago, I became Mother to two sons and a daughter. I lost my father. My father’s body was laid out here in the room I write from, which I’ve come to think of as the Bridge-House Seed Space.

My Mother’s home on the Sunshine Coast, with a wild neighbour passing by. The window on the ground floor is to the room I call the Bridge-House Seed Space

Adventures in Village Weaving have led me to reconnect with the church of St. Hilda’s where my father’s funeral was held. This has brought up another layer of resentment dismantling work, about how things went in the past.

Zooming digitally out of this Bridge-House Seed Space, I continue to Village Weave by creating spaces for Healing, Transformation, Collaboration, with people near by and far away.

Three Bridge-House work talks happened, the recordings of which will soon be added to the yet-to-be-named Bridge-House website, which has yet to be created. A regular collaborative digital work space for Bridge-House Builders is next on my list of things to book into my calendar.

With other Possibilitators currently in Canada, I am teaming up digitally AND in person to create Mother GraduationAdventures and Rage Clubs, for example, I meet with Kian Nasir and Laura McGuirksoon to plan a Rage Club Road Trip!

This blend of online and in person spaces turns me on, even as I feel the fear of the many Culture to Culture conversationsthat arise, as my Archetypal Lineage of being a Bridge works through me.

Culture to Culture Conversations are a specialty of this Bridge-House.

Thus goes the foundation building for a Bridge-House on the Sunshine Coast of BC, Canada. I cannot see clearly how it will unfold, but the coincidences that ECCO has been sending, large and small, glow as path-markers in the dark.

I am having the time of my life.

Who’d have guessed it would be THIS FUN for me, to stay put after the ecstasy of Nomadic life? To ‘settle’ for a time in one place, with the closest Possibiliators a full days journey away? With my Mother, who for 51 years was the main Persecutor in the Low Drama Story of my life? It still amazes me that I have chosen this, that so much in our relational space has shifted.

My Mother, Carol, at the pier in Davis Bay, BC

Using the sadness of missing daily in-person Being-With other Possibilitators, in a Bridge-House, I connect. Using the fear generated by unanswered questions, I create possibilities. Using anger, I unmix the Emotions that happen while I watch as other Bridge-Houses begin and thrive: Women of Earth in Brazil, Rice and Beansand Seed in Portugal, Inla Kesh in Mexico, and OneTree in New Zealand, and others.

These Emotions, unmixed, have brought fuel and information for new decisions, experiments. Many next practical steps have thus become possible.

I am a Bridge-House Builder. It is an extraordinary Identity to shift into as I make my way into and out of my underworld on this quest for teammates and a building to occupy.

A post on Facebook looking for a house led people from Mum’s church to ask me questions about it. A meeting in a cafe led to a conversation with the barista about Rage Club. Walks around the neighbourhood with Mum gave me the possibility of making a flyer to share with neighbours. During stops for groceries this week I encountered two people I knew 20–30 years ago. Our short conversations led to the blossoming of another batch of possibilities for convergence and collaboration.

One of these people was with me while I birthed 3 of my 4 children; the 3 who were born here on the Sunshine Coast. More examples abound.

I came to this place 23 years ago as an Edgeworker, looking for lay midwives to be-with my while I birthed my first child. I am back to create a Bridge-House, looking for midwives of Next Culture, for Being-With while my last parent, my Mother moves toward the end of her life.

A photo of photos of my firstborn, Sagan; many of these were taken here on the Sunshine Coast, in or near this house. Some show his brother, Tallis, and sister Genevieve. Some are taken in Alberta, where we moved before their sister, Cerys was born.

Who knew I was laying groundwork for this Bridge-House so long ago? Who knew I would become such a different person from the young mother who cried her heart out in this very room many times?

Not me. If I had come to myself here back then and foretold my past self these things, I think she may have longed rather hopelessly for them to come true.

I am here now to be with other Edgeworkers to cultivate a radically New Culture. To weave Evolutionary Village, and research about how it can go about Elders, including about having a closer-to-reality experience during end-of-life. I was an Edgeworker, though not so consciously, when I first came here to the Sunshine Coast of BC, a 22 year old young woman looking to give birth with midwives.

I am back anew as a Graduated Mother, preparing to create and steward a Bridge-House as part of my new job from Gaia, starting over where I once started over, and where I learned some things about starting over and over, so long ago.

If this has become possible for me, what might Life have in store for you, as you build Matrix as an Edgeworker, as a collaborative creator of Archiarchy?